This story right here is my baby. I didn’t want to put it anywhere on the internet, but I’m doing it now for legal reasons (i.e. to make sure I don’t get sacked by pitching it to the wrong hombre’s). I would love to make this a cartoon or a comic book some day.

The text reads as follows:

The west bred real men. There was no right or wrong, you were either right or dead. Arguments were settled with shootouts. You couldn’t win by waiting for somebody to shoot at you, this isn’t the movies. You have to shoot the bastards before they even think about shooting. This is how the west was won, and the so-called “heroes” that won just had the balls to pull the trigger quicker than anyone else.

That was the late 1800’s. Today these men don’t really exist.

OLD WEST

Ollie West is one hundred and forty three years old.

In 1905 he was exiled from his small hometown of Lucille, NV, where he used to be a lawman. Forced to leave his wife and children behind, he spent the rest of his years wondering across the country with his dogs, Smith (1901-1975) and Wesson (1901-present). As the years piled on like bricks it became harder and harder for West to even think about going back home. He probably should have done that sooner.

Ollie West doesn’t know why he hasn’t died yet.

Back in Lucille, the townsfolk discovered that the well they’ve been drinking from for years has actually been somewhat of a fountain of youth. Unfortunately, the U.S. government quickly got word of it and quarantined the town. They wouldn’t want word to get out, demand for the well’s water would be huge.

And so it was.

Outside of this world there is intelligent life with beings tens of thousands of years old. They travel the universe searching for precious life-extending liquid to harvest and distribute amongst themselves. They found that liquid in Lucille. All they had to do was threaten to enslave mankind and the U.S. government handed over Lucille like it was worthless.

Ollie West won’t take too kindly to that, soon as he finds out that is…